Eyes
by The Abbot of Beregost
Summary: Hopelessly shippy request work for a friend. Recounts the events of Heroes pt.2, third person following Jack. UPDATE: Second Chapter added, as requested.
1. Default Chapter

**EYES**

Jack squatted, ducking the staff fire filling the air. The rocks that SGs 1 and 9 were covering in were getting blasted to pieces by the jaffa. The ground shook from aerial bombardment, cordite burning his nostrils as he fired another burst to cover his movement. Not two feet behind him, SG-9's sergeant opened up with his M60, stalling a flanking maneuver. Brass cascaded down his back, deflecting off his vest as his men fired and moved, desperately trying to tie down the force advancing on Janet's position.

Another shaky dash, glider fire forcing him down. He was having trouble seeing as dirt and burns built up on his face. Another burst of fire, and he was running again. He hit the large rock hard, ears ringing as he looked around. Dixon smile was little more than a rictus grin as he put a three round burst into a jaffa.

"Hi Jack, thanks for coming!" he yelled over the gunfire and explosions. "Got those mags for me?"

Jack reached into his webbing, pulling out three thirty-round magazines for Dixon's M-16. A near miss sent rock chips flying into the back of his neck.

"I thought you said there were SIX jaffa!Where'd you learn to count?"

Dixon ignored the dig, tapping the magazine before reloading and chambering a round. Jack covered him, cutting down another jaffa.

"Ships only started coming down once you radioed you were through the gate. Something tells me they're throwing this party in your honor, Jack."

An LAW exploded off to their right, past Carter. _Damnation_, Jack thought to himself, s_ave those for the gliders!_ His radio flared up, as he lay down a prolonged burst to try to pin down some jaffa.

"Colonel O'Neill! Our position is compromised...we're not going to be able to hold the gate much longer!"

His P90 jammed, and Jack cleared it with one hand as he replied, "It doesn't matter, we're not going to able to hold this position that long."

He could hear the meaty bark of Carter's SCAR as she strafed closer to him, the heavier rounds flat out punching jaffa off their feet. It was comforting, knowing she was near. She was perhaps fifteen feet away, providing cover for him. The firepower was part of it, of course, but it was more a peace, a sense that while she was there, everything would be okay. _She's good at what she does_, Jack reminded himself, _Yeah, that's it. _Janet's voice crackled through the radio on the police-issue 10-33 frequency. The other chatter vanished instantly, the emergency band taking over.

"Colonel, I need more time to stabilize."

Jack could hear the crack of an MP5 in the background, the familiar sound of staff blasts hitting dirt. Looking up, he saw the jaffa regrouping for another advance. Their fire concentrated into a suppressive mass of energy, forcing most of the SG teams' heads down. Jack snapped off another quick burst, realizing that he had maybe a quarter of his magazine left. He heard Carter off in the distance.

"Sir! We HAVE to fall back!"

He didn't turn, simply accepted the facts. His 2IC was right. They were about to be overwhelmed, one way or another. Either the jaffa would kill them all due to their exposed position, or simply smother them in the bodies of their dead. The Tau'ri soldiers had limited ammunition, smaller numbers, barely any cover, and an enemy willing to expend however many lives it took to obliterate them.

Dixon fired steadily beside him, teeth gritted. Squatting, Jack prepared to move, to call out the threat. Suddenly, he stopped. He spotted a jaffa in the bushes to his left. They had been flanked and suppressed. Cursing, he half stood to advance to better cover from which to engage them. The blast took him from the right, impacting just below his sternum. He went limp, legs unwilling and unable to support him. He fell, listening to the sounds of combat, to the screams over the 10-33 channel. He felt the earth shake, heard Carter screaming for him. Her face closed with his, and her voice was muffled as she tore his shattered vest open.

It felt like he was falling away from her, falling into this godforsaken and utterly remote planet. Her bright blue eyes burned into his, the expression familiar. Azure orbs burnt into his consciousness, never changing place as she became more distant. The memory changed again and again, but the pain seeing it caused did not. His heart twisted as he remembered...

_"Sir, just GO."_

The first time he had seen her with that expression, it was in Apophis's new mothership, staring at him from the other side of a force shield. Her eyes pleaded, begged for him to save himself, but he could not. He raged against her fate.

_"NO!"_

Then, trapped in an instant, he saw everything very clearly for the first time. Tears ran down her face, her pleas beyond words. He knew that what he felt for her was very real, and that she felt the same way. He knew that he would sacrifice anything for her. He knew that losing her meant losing his soul.

The scene changed, and it was again those haunting azure orbs, filled with concern. They were underground, living out a lie to power a city. She had been frightened that they had 'night sickness', but stood by him, holding him close that night. When their true selves were restored, they filled with pain and that same expression. The same meaning was clear in her eyes- _'I love you, and it hurts me so much.'_

Again, it changed. Those same eyes, that same pain. The darkness was creeping in now, around the edges of his vision. This time, it was underwater, the freezing cold seeping into his very bones. He held Carter's hand, and they stared at each other as they ran out of air, desperate to say so much but helpless to do so. They had been trapped in a compartment of the submerged Goa'uld mothership, their friends trying to save them and failing. He felt the chill again, coldness as those eyes burned into his soul, silent pleas and endless depths to be explored haunting him. Somehow, though, it had changed.

Then, the chill was gone, his body slowly warming as he recalled the cell beneath Nirrti's citadel, Samantha pressed up against him, looking up at him, eyes begging for a solution. There was a change that time, an acceptance. The message was no longer _'I love you, and it hurts me so much.'_, it was simply_ 'I love you, please don't ever leave me.'_ She had accepted her death, and that wounded him to the core. But the fear, it was gone. A piece of that pain had fallen away. He had stroked her hair as she slept, her body wracked with spasms.

The last time he could remember seeing that expression was sitting with her near the old Alpha Site after subduing the super-soldier. That same expression, the unconscious plea to hold her. There was no heartbreak, no vast internal struggle...simply an acceptance. He held her until the medics arrived. Confused, he wandered back to the gate with a silent Teal'c. He could still feel her next to him, holding him. Again those eyes, that same pain. He looked into them, and another piece of that pain was gone. Her eyes had spoken again, and said, _"I love you. Never let me go." _As the world went dark, the images and memories faded. Burnt onto his retinas were afterimages of her bright, blue eyes.

He saw them in his mind as he was discharged from the infirmary. He thought of them, hoped as he heard a knock.

"Hey sir. Heard you up and around."

He turned to see Carter there, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. She stared as her shoes, eyes hidden.

"Yeah ... err. Still a little tender but they said I could go home."

She tried to make conversation, looking him in face now. Her eyes were a mystery to him, everything carefully hidden. She turned away.

"We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. That new vest inserts works well."

He jerked slightly, feeling the pain on his ribs. A reminder of the sacrifice another had made.

"Didn't help Fraiser much."

Carter sucked in a breath. He had struck a nerve, and immediately regretted it.

"No."

Silence. Regret.

"How's Cassie?"

Carter perked up, willing to talk a little.

"She's a strong kid, she survives ... you know."

Silence again fell. He nodded, pulling on his shirt. Her eyes were boiling with emotion, striving to keep it all in check.

"Yeah...you speaking at the memorial?"

"Sir ... I ... I just wanted to say...when you were lying there I..."

Tears welled in those eyes, those beautiful eyes. He stared at them, enthralled.

"I'm really glad you're okay."

Her pain was incredible, confusing. The tears flowed freely now, unable to stop. He stared at her, realizing that instead of the message changing, it had been the same all along. She only let him see part of it. He looked her in the eyes, and saw it all for the first time.

_'I love you, and it hurts me so much. Please, never leave me. Never let me go.'_

He looked at her, standing there, crying and soul bared.He reached out for her.

"C'mere."

It felt so right to have her there, in his arms, cradling her as she sobbed. She was his everything, and he wanted to take her pain away. He would give anything for her, if she asked. As he held the woman he loved more than anything else in the world, he quietly wondered:

_'I wonder what she sees when she looks in my eyes.'_


	2. Sam's POV

Notes: To Natter, with affection and thanks. She requested the work, and here it is.

Sam ducked another staff blast, trying to get lower against the rock she was hiding behind. The alkesh orbiting overhead made another pass, bombing runs growing ever closer to the SGC soldiers on the ground. Teal'c was far off to her right, holding down the bulk of the enemy. Around him, volunteer airmen fought for their very lives as they took the brunt of the assault. These men and women were MPs, cooks, armorers and other irregulars scrambled on short notice for the mission. None the less, they fought with remarkable tenacity.

Sam cleared a jam from her SCAR quickly. The Tau'ri force was nearing the point of collapse. She mentally urged Dr. Frasier on, and tried to ignore the panicked chatter of her radio. It was helpful, seeing her rifle literally putting fist-sized holes in jaffa, but it wasn't enough. Her ammo wouldn't last forever. They were pinned, and over stretched. She kept looking to her left, looking for Jack. She spotted him over by Dixon, handing over a few magazines and yelling to him. An explosion roared to her right, near Teal'c. He was a frenzy of destruction, fighting with a desperation she had never seen. The situation was bad, and getting worse by the minute. Sam crouched in a run, inching closer to the Colonel. No matter where she was, she always felt safer around him. Protected.

The 10-33 band flared up, overriding all the normal traffic on her radio.

"Colonel, I need more time to stabilize."

It was Janet, and she was barely keeping the panic under control. Sam could hear it in her voice. The background was filled with static and gunfire, coming over the radio. Sam needed to help her friend, she knew that she couldn't from the exposed field they were pinned down in. The SG teams needed to regroup. She looked to the Colonel. Everyone was fighting for their lives, but he was their leader. They needed out, now. And it came down to one person to bring salvation, the same person that always brought relief and freedom and security to her life.

"Sir!"she called out, trying to suppress a jaffa column moving towards Jack, "We HAVE to fall back!"

It was hard keeping her eyes on what was going on. The cacophony was incredible- explosions from gliders, alkesh, grenades, and rockets; the din of automatic gunfire; shouted commands and warnings; the staff blasts and yells in Go'auld all combined around her. She kept down the urge to run over to Jack, put her head in his lap and wish it all away. She had to help Janet. But she couldn't help but glance at Jack every seconds...until it happened.

He was standing, starting to advance when a staff blast flew past her, a near miss. She turned to watch it take the Colonel in the chest, outright punching him off his feet. He went down, not moving. His vest smoldered at the edges, and the charred flesh was visible. Dixon took command immediately. She was up and yelling before she knew what she was doing, memories flashing in front of her eyes.

She remembered that first twinge, watching another woman kiss Jack. Rather, not another woman...herself. It seemed so right. So natural. But she turned away. She couldn't accept it. She looked down, seeing the scorched crater in Jack's flesh. Carter tore off his chest, screamed for a medic. The alkesh overhead dropped another payload dangerously close to her, but she ignored it. All that mattered was Jack.

She leaned down, putting her ear down near his lips. She watched four airmen dash past her, with two forms on stretchers. The perimeter was collapsing. She was still screaming for a medic. His eyes were closed now. She couldn't feel anything. She remembered losing him for three months, how much she had missed him. How much she had worked to get him back after the Stargate had been buried. The panic was growing.

He wasn't breathing. He wasn't breathing. Carter struggled with the fact, trying to comprehend. She...he...she had to save him. Bring him back. Bring him back again. She had done it before, forced her love move her to superhuman feats. CPR. CPR. She began compressions, steady and firm above the wound. Watching his chest move...it reminded her of Sokar's prison-planet. Reminded her of watching him as he suffered from his knee wound, slowly breathing. Tears were in her eyes now, remembering his suffering. He had tried to protect her then, and paid dearly for it.

Then, the medic was there, took over compression. He struggled to breathe life into him, almost that long coveted kiss. She remembered wearing that armband, coming so close to kissing him in that bar. Then...

_"Sir, just GO!"_

Begging him to leave her behind. He wouldn't, she couldn't. She remembered the look in those brown eyes of his. They were closed now, as she struggled to get him breathing. All that affection, defiance. She had looked into those eyes, seen into his soul.

_"NO!"_

Defiance, love... he would have laid down his life for her. She knew, in that instant, that if she died, he would too. He would stand there, and he would let that jaffa kill him. She begged him silently, pleaded with him. The concept of him dying cored to her very soul, and she realized that she loved him. It hurt her. But looking at him, she realized that he hurt just as much. More so. His love was unconditional, and in that instant, she knew it.

They were through the Gate now, and she didn't know how. She was giving him AR, tears streaming down her face. A paramedic pushed her away, took over. She stood there as airmen and wounded streamed past and around her. Someone took away her rifle. An airman looked her over, making sure she was okay. She wandered, following Jack's gurney. She was lost. She was lost in her own thoughts. She remembered the nights under the 'ice', staring at him as he slept. Even as someone else, she still loved him. She remembered the honesty in his eyes, the facts staring the Thera-self straight in the face. It was so utterly simple:

_"I love you, and I always will."_

She shoved away Bregman's camera, shouting, stumbling. She managed to get to her quarters before completely breaking down. She managed to get herself out of her combats, her webbing, stumble into the shower still thinking about Jack. The ice-cold water hit her like a slap in the face. She remembered, lost...both she and Jack, facing certain death. Underwater, drowning in the mothership. Their hands intertwined, they prepared to breathe their last. There was so much she wanted to tell him, as consciousness started to fade. She remembered the look she gave him. It was just like the one when she was trapped- he was willing to die for her without question. She couldn't bear the thought of life without him.

She got out of the shower, dried herself off and dressed. She couldn't concentrate, she had to be there, be by his side. He had always been at her side, no matter what. People moved out of her way with whispered platitudes, but she wasn't listening their voices mingled into Jack's. Jack's words, strapped into that chair, as he was tested by Anise. Those words had meant everything she dreamt of was true...and her world was going to collapse around her. A panic, a bad decision later, and she sacrificed their relationship on the altar of work. The instant she told him, she saw a part of him die. She regretted that for years. She would have given anything to take back that discussion...but she couldn't now. She didn't even know if he was still alive.

She held his hand in the infirmary for an hour, watching him breathe. She tried to work up the courage to tell him. To tell him it was a mistake. To say it was all her fault. To tell him to hold her again, to make everything better. When Nirrti had changed her, she only wanted one thing. She didn't want to live, she didn't want the pain to stop. She just wanted Jack to hold her. She would die happy if she was in his arms. She couldn't quite muster the strength to tell him, but Carter knew. She knew that Jack knew.

After the destruction of the Alpha Site, she wanted to tell him. She meant to. She was going to, but she was to tired, had so much work...excuses. She had excuses not to face the man she loved. Excuses not to take a ten minute break, walk up to him and say three little words to his face. Instead, she just held onto him that day. She held him like she wanted to now, like she always wanted to. He looked so peaceful. A hand suddenly squeezed her shoulder, and she looked up to see Daniel, and it looked like he had been crying...

She knocked gently at his door, a few hours later.

"Hey sir. Heard you up and around," she called out quietly.

_I almost lost you today._

"Yeah ... err. Still a little tender but they said I could go home."

His eyes hid everything. He didn't want to talk, but she had to tell him. He was hurt and on the run. His eyes were cold, featureless. She couldn't see beneath the surface.

"We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. That new vest inserts works well."

_I don't know what I would have done without you._

His hand went to his ribs. "Didn't help Fraiser much."

_I would have died inside. _She winced at the mention of her best friend. The loss hit Carter hard.

"No," she replied, sucking in a breath and looking at her feet. He wasn't making this easy.

"How's Cassie?"

_I need you now more than ever._

"She's a strong kid, she survives ... you know," Carter said. O'Neill always had an affinity for the girl. Sometimes, she caught herself fantasizing they were a family.

"Yeah...you speaking at the memorial?"

_Don't ever leave me._

"Sir..."

_I love you._

"I ..."

_I love you more than anything else in the world._

"I just wanted to say..."

_I love you more than life itself. I want to be with you._

"When you were lying there I..."

_I didn't think I could go on. I don't want to live in a world without you. _

He stared as her for a minute, his facade starting to break down. The walls in his eyes cracked and crumbled, revealing the pain from the loss of a friend. Yes, the love was there. Yes, the loyalty, the friendship, the desire... but now was not the time.

"C'mere."

She melted into his arms. There was solace there. she wept for her friend, for her man. She wept for herself. It felt right to be in his arms. She wished she would never leave. She had almost lost him. She promised herself she would tell him right after the service...


End file.
